I quit my job.

Exhilarating. I can’t think of another way to describe walking away from a job I had for so many years. I don’t quit or leave many things, which has proved to be both a blessing and a curse. “Leaving before you have another job lined up?” I have been asked suspiciously. I understand because this does not sound like me.

I didn’t plan it out this way. I would love to be telling you about some amazing opportunity I lined up for myself providing me both enjoyment and financial security. Instead it was a voice inside of me (for years) getting louder by the day (hint: it was ME and also my dad) saying “Life is too short.” Different lessons for different seasons, and this one requires me to listen to myself more. The idea of disappointing anyone or appearing “selfish” has always felt like a massive weight on my shoulders, but suddenly the idea of not honoring myself feels insane. Everything now is through the lens of, “What kind of person do I want to be for my daughter?” I want to be strong, secure and loving. I don’t want residual anger or resentment to carry over into my parenting.

I quit my job to find myself and to honor myself. It is one step of many steps to follow I hope. I have vocalized many times this weird vision I have of myself on a farm, surrounded by dogs and country roads where I can bike and run. And by farm I really just mean land. Why am I dreaming of being a cowgirl? I don’t know. I am determined to break out of daily patterns to discover what is next.

But Kristy, what about the job search!?!? Like many others I have talked to, the pandemic helped us break out of patterns. It helped me discover remote work opportunities that I never knew existed. If there was someone made for remote work, it was ME! I will be pursuing those, looking at university teaching gigs, reexamining my scavenger hunt business model, etc. I’m still driven, I just need it to be on terms that match my values. That make me proud. That make my daughter proud. She already says she wants to work with me one day. I’ll find something.

The stuck-in-anxiety me would be obsessively job hunting, but I’m starting with a bit of self-care instead. Get myself right first. I started with a two week vacation. I’m now organizing our home, getting rid of “12 bags of stuff” I told Kenzy. She thinks 7 is enough. I want to cook more and eat better. A triathlete’s dream= I want to do all the workouts. I want to be healthy. I want to listen to myself more. I am confident the rest will fall into place just the way it was always supposed to.