Waiting is so hard. So hard. I threw some things out in the universe (or the universe threw some things at me), and now I just have to wait to see if they happen. Jumping through the hoops in order to have these possible opportunities was a lot of work–but at least in that work, you feel productive. When you’re waiting around to hear back, you tell yourself “stop waiting around. You have stuff to do.” I get dragged down sometime in the frustrations of checking email all the time just looking for any kind of a sign. I should be focused on moving through the day accomplishing things, but instead I find myself frustrated at my life that feels stalled–especially career-wise. I try to give myself grace, to explain that what I’m doing now in the world allows me to stay at home with my kid more than most parents, and to understand that maybe this timing will be perfect after all. I am not a good listener when it comes to all this positive self talk.
Back in August, I went on a job application spree. I applied for the strangest jobs that were totally out of my wheelhouse, but it felt fun to craft a new kind of resume or imagine a new kind of a full-time-job-life. None of them ever called me for an interview, thanks a lot Netflix! But then other opportunities came up that felt more in line with me and what I do. I’ve really been aching for some kind of forward movement. And I tell myself it is just around the corner, but the corner sometimes feels really far away and so much out of my control.
So it’s good I’m reflecting on here because it always gives me perspective & a good, “Wake up Kristy,” and I can actually plan the scavenger hunt for this weekend or write a contract out for a future gig. But man, in a world where everything seems so fast-paced & everyone else always needs answers for you ASAP, it seems like such a challenge when the answers you seek aren’t in the inbox.