I find myself with nothing to say. This year especially. I suffer from writer’s block, and I’m not even much of a writer. I miss this mode of communication as one-sided as it is, so I’m challenging myself with a one-entry-a-day challenge in order to jump start some kind of momentum. I keep thinking one day I can move this all to Instagram–a dozen posts of me reading this out loud while also hawking my latest favorite lip mask, but I don’t have it in me.
Happy December. We made it through this year! I hope you have found small ways to celebrate that fact. Next year will be rough for awhile too, but the vaccine is in those freezers at the end of the tunnel, & I am hopeful. As dumb as we are, modern medicine is amazing.
I am an optimist with a dark side. The dark side is mostly me worried about everyone I know and everyone I don’t know–usually from about 3am-5am. Know that I am definitely stressed out for you during those hours. I feel the weight of things, and this time has felt very heavy. Even though my life is so lucky, joy comes in moments rather than the overall theme. The overall theme would be: stress. grief. Fun stuff like that! You feel me, I think. It seems pretty universal.
I have tried new hobbies to keep me from going insane. What do I mean by going insane? I mean taking care of my toddler while also working & also work is all on Zoom where I am the focus of attention ALL day (not that kind of “video off” Zoom meeting you can sort of check out of). What are these hobbies? The most ridiculous is me building tiny things. I bought a kit because Instagram caught on to my love of everything small. It’s this tiny bedroom filled with furniture and books the size of my pinky nail. Three months into it, I’ve only been able to assemble a bed that Kenzy has taken for her Paw Patrol characters. There are tiny books scattered on the tiny bedroom floor because I couldn’t figure out how to assemble the bookshelf. But one day I will. One day I will have a whole tiny village to show you.
I have tried to learn to play the new Taylor Swift album on my guitar, but every time I get that capo on the guitar & start to strum Kenzy finds me and screams at me to stop like it is the worst thing that has ever happened to her. I don’t take it personally.
I have checked out some virtual reality equipment from work in order to reach my next goal–becoming a cool mom gamer! I got as far as putting in the wifi password before Kenzy was freaked out by her mom in the kitchen in VR gear.
Nothing really sticks. And my daughter has STOPPED NAPPING which I pray daily is only a phase. Where is this village that is supposed to raise her? Oh. They are quarantined.
So instead I do what I do best. I make sure I workout every single day. I couldn’t do this while commuting to work 5 days a week, but now I can! Sometimes only 20 minutes–but on good days it’s closer to an hour. Virtual races have provided me no motivation. I keep reading about them thinking one will inspire, but it seems more motivating just to keep training and improving so when I can do them in person again. I bought myself new swim goggles with the intention of triathlon-ing from home soon. No official races, just getting into a daily swim/bike/run routine. I did decide every night in December we’re going for a run through the neighborhood to see Christmas lights.
We are in a strict lock down again in L.A., which is depressing not for what it is but because of what caused it. December is my favorite month–Christmas my all time favorite holiday. I will have to find ways of celebrating it, minus some of the people I love the most. I’m sure many of us are in that position. Putting Christmas trees up early (my daughter refused a tree, saying “Santa can put the gifts along the wall.”), putting the lights outside, etc all of us trying to bring the joy. I ordered about a dozen “Christmas crafts for kids”–so send my your mailing address to firstname.lastname@example.org & we will send you something very ugly!
Time to pay the rent! Happy first. I hope you come back to visit, I’m sure I will find something to say. In the meantime, I’m thinking of all of you from 3am-5am and wishing you all the good things!