I Wear the Wrong Outfit Everywhere

I really admire people that have such a clear sense of style. Or those people that know exactly what to wear in any given situation. I have to google “What to wear to a Beyonce concert” or “What to wear to a cocktail party” (just kidding, no one invites me to cocktail parties!!!) just to get in the ballpark of what I could wear to not look TOTALLY like I don’t belong.

One of my style icons, for example, is Taylor Swift. Really, anyone under the age of 25 should not be a style icon for me. Hey guys, do I look like Taylor Swift in this? Oh wait–I’m not 5’11” and rail thin? Details people! Also, I never actually dress like her–I just like to think, “Is this conservative enough–like Taylor Swift? I don’t wanna be Miley Cyrus.”

For years, my staple diet of work clothes consisted of jeans and t-shirts/sweaters/tanks. Then I discovered that dresses were actually much easier in many ways. They are just one piece!!! It cuts down on my getting ready time by at least 2 minutes. Also, people somehow think by wearing a dress that you put some thought into looking nice. “Oh, you are dressed up today.” And–when your jeans are feeling too skinny, put on the stretchy dress! It always fits!

I don’t go out to many fancy places, so I take any opportunity I can to dress up way more than anyone else in the room. An example: an invitation to a Hollywood Bar on a Saturday night for a birthday party. I didn’t research the bar, so I was thinking it was going to be RED CARPET fancy. I mean, it’s in Hollywood! I forgo the flannel shirt and jeans look for a black ruffly HUGE short dress (so many layers of ruffles) that I bought in the Macy’s teen section for a New Year’s party 5 years ago. In my mind, Taylor Swift loves this $20 dress! I pair it with a pair of black and white argyle tights that are a statement piece just on their own. Do I tone it down with sensible shoes? No, I wear my highest, pointiest black shoes. Now, in my head–I KNOW this is not the appropriate outfit. I know no one will be in a dress, much less one that looks like a 15yr old would wear to prom. But in my heart, I just love the way it looks. (I think in my heart, I have the style of Dolly Parton).

I show up at the bar, and everyone is in jeans and flannels, as predicted. I always feel a combination of things at this point: disappointment (Why don’t people dress up anymore!?!?), embarrassment (Why am I wearing this!?!?), and pride (I am so awesome right now!!!) That night, I clearly remember someone commented on how much they loved my outfit, and I went home beaming about it.

I was once forced to go to a Phish concert, and I googled “what to wear at a Phish concert.” Horror of horrors, people were just wearing jeans and t-shirts. I had to be more PHISH than that! Upon further research, I saw some tie dye (yikes), lots of flowy things, and lots of jewelry made out of ropes and wood and beads. I have nothing in my closet for this. I went out and bought a tie dye dress, only to realize that while–yes, it’s tie dye–the whole shape of the dress was very conservative and Taylor Swiftish. This would not work. Instead, I pulled out a Waylon Jennings purposely ripped up shirt (I got it for free at a country show) & tried my best for some sort of rocker look. I put my entire collection of jewelry on. I wore a denim jacket. I show up to the concert, and people put ZERO effort into their look. Guys, look at all my jewelry?? My shirt is ripped?!?! Again, I felt out of place. More disappointed in everyone else than myself.

Everything in Los Angeles is casual. This is super beneficial when you wanna go out and walk the dog. Wear your pajamas! Or going to Starbucks. Yoga pants are great! But Taylor Swift dresses up to go to the gym—google it, you’ll see!

What I really want is a signature style. “Oh, you guys, it’s Kristy again–look, she did it once more! STUNNING. Impeccable! The jewelry, the bag, the shoes, the finely made clothes–an icon.” Instead, it’s more like “Oh, she’s wearing that dress she got at Ross again, with those sandals she wears every day & that bag that doesn’t match.” I’m a work in progress.

Oh–I just remembered. I went to a Concert at the Pier once–basically a free outdoor beach concert. I didn’t google what to wear. I had pastel flowery skinny jeans on, a tank, a cool cardigan & belted it all with this black belt with some silver bedazzlement going on. I thought it was perfect for the beach. I show up, and a friend says, “WHOA! What is that outfit? You look like RIHANNA.” Google Rihanna if you need to. This was not the casual beach outfit I was going for. Yet, silently I applauded myself for once more outdoing all the other hoodie and yoga pants people around me.