A list…10 Things That Make Me Happier Than They Should

I always feel like I’ve run out of things to say on here. I mean I’ve been updating for 10 years. I have nothing new. I am not that deep. You know my love of Oprah, Dolly, Beyonce, arts education and triathlons. But I do miss writing. I will still write people annoyingly long emails (my bestie hair stylist is the newest recipient to these “therapy-like” rants), but I miss my larger audience of 10 that read this site. I’m looking to go viral. What better way than a LIST? Maybe of things that won’t be about Oprah or Dolly or all the other things you already know.

10 Things that make me happier than they should, a list by Kristy Messer:

1) Googling. I am an intensely annoying googler. I just don’t get why anyone even asks questions anymore. They are so pointless. I will google any and EVERY little wonder that pops into my mind, which is at least a dozen things a day. I was obsessed by a sweater this guy was wearing on an HBO episode of VICE, and I couldn’t stop googling to find it. Or to find people talking about it. There is some kind of confirmation: “OK, world, you saw that sweater, too! And how ridiculous it was! And then you posted about it, thank you. I am not alone.” Every great movie I see involves major googling afterwards. I watched a documentary on the band Queen the other night, but I couldn’t pay attention because I was too busy googling Queen at the same time and getting much more information. If I have a tough life decision to make, I prefer not making a decision and instead–let’s google it! I don’t even google a word or a phrase–I will google the exact scenario I’m encountering. Mostly I end up on pages with lots of teenagers posting, which probably means I am really really behind at making major life decisions. I am fascinated that kids have all this information at their fingertips. We had the lovely Encyclopedia Britannica (OMG, I must google this Encyclopedia B. and see what it’s up to) and the local library? That was about it. I would say “Those were the days,” but I never thought those A-Z volumes had enough of what I needed. Thank you, Google, for making my dream come true. I will not be wearing your glasses. I’m googling what kind of stress those must put on your right eye.

2) Real Housewives of Atlanta–you are a true secret pleasure that I cannot get enough of. I will not watch this show with you because it will ruin the amazing time I’m having all by myself. I’m laughing, I’m tearing up, I’m wondering if the friendship between Nene and Cynthia is finally over. I’m loving Phaedra’s witty commentary interviews. I’m laughing as they are laughing at the craziness of it all. I used to watch all sorts of Housewives until they all kind of fall flat for me. Atlanta lives on because these women are truly hilarious. I have never heard such amazing comebacks. I have never seen so many sequins. “You’re a slut from the 90’s?” What? Yes, this is horrible for my brain, but it feels so good for the soul.

3) Weekends with no plans. Anytime people say, “What are you doing this weekend?” and I can’t think of anything to say—a huge smile appears on my face. It’s like I’ve won the weekend jackpot, & the other person always looks slightly confused. No, I don’t want to go to any birthday parties! No, I don’t want to go out of town! No, I don’t want to meet for brunch. No, I don’t want to go to that art opening. I get to STAY HOME! Maybe not even GET IN MY CAR! For a long-term Los Angeles commuter, this is huge. I will gladly do monotonous chores: laundry, dishes, etc–in order to move at the slowest pace possible and not have to start my car or navigate an L.A. parking lot. Don’t worry, next weekend will be packed, so I will enjoy this weekend as much as I can.

4) Yummy.com. I’ve fallen in love with a grocery delivery service I swore I would only use once…or twice. Guys, really, soon I’m going to start going to Trader Joe’s and Whole Foods. Really. Nope. For the past several months, I have almost completely relied on an online grocery service. And I have nothing but great things to say about it. I can order a huge, freshly baked chocolate chip cookie & a bottle of wine, and it will be here in less than 30 minutes. They have a limited amount of brands/items (mostly upscale), which usually means we are going organic and whole food and all those things we should be but never really take the time to be–simply because that’s all they carry. Umm, why yes I’d like those recyclable trash bags. Of course! Kale chips? Why yes!

5) The Mindy Project: Another T.V. show. Have I wasted my life away on T.V.? No because right now this show and Real Housewives of Atlanta are all I watch. The Mindy Project is well-written, funny, and Mindy Kaling is just so awesome. (Just bein’ honest: I’m googling her right now). I feel like at times in my T.V. history, it wasn’t all that odd to find a quality/funny/scripted show on–but for some reason, this is the ONLY one that does it for me right now. And good news–it’s Tuesday. New Mindy Project. Also, I also get a little bummed the show is on SO LATE. It’s on at 9:30p.m. Now you know my misery.

6) Looking for a new place to live. For so much of my adult life, I have either been in a state of looking for a new job or looking for a new place to live. Usually, these were out of necessity: I don’t have a job! I’m moving, and I need to live somewhere in this new city!, etc. Now, maybe out of habit, the urge hits me anytime my lease is anywhere NEAR being up (about 6 months out of the year I feel like *it’s time to start looking*). Let me tell you a little something about the rental market in L.A. NO ONE rents to you months in advance. It’s more like–see the new post in the morning, reply by mid-morning, see the place in the afternoon & put your application in by evening. And it will be you and 6 other people trying to get the place. So really, there’s no need to bother looking until about the week before you want to move out, but that gives me panic attacks–so I spend endless evenings looking online at all the new postings. What I’ve discovered, though, is it has very little to do with actually moving. I live in a great place right now. I just like looking at what people try to rent out for a buck. I was so amazed last night to find a posting of a “brand new house” “1 bedroom” (there are no one bedroom houses…this is already suspicious)– & with some detective work on google and looking at the renter’s pics, I discovered this “house” was built in the middle of someone’s back yard. Literally in the middle–with grass surrounding it. I sigh loudly, thinking I can barely afford renting this person’s backyard doll house. I keep on looking, maybe searching for this hidden gem or something, who knows. Mostly to shake my head at the person who goes on and on about how great their house is because it has a working GARBAGE DISPOSAL!!!

7) My horrible, terrible no good front patio garden. It makes me SO HAPPY because it’s the weirdest garden you’ve ever seen. I never, ever, ever understood how anyone got any joy out of plants. It was something I saw myself doing when I was maybe in my 70s, and only if I was terribly lonely. But there was lots of brown dirt– this 5 by 10 patch, and it was pretty ugly. It just stared at me every time I came home, and I would apologize to it–sorry you look so sad. I went to a nursery. I had no idea what was going on. I wandered around & just bought things because “oooh, it’s pink and white stripes–cool!” or “oooh, it’s blue!” I never once looked to see how to take care of it, how much sun it likes, etc etc. Mostly, it was just color. So I would end up starting with a few plants, a couple would die, I would buy a few more, a couple would die, I would by more, etc. The cycle continued and only then did I start looking at other people’s gardens and noticing–oh wow, there is a pattern there! Or, they filled their garden with 20 of the same thing. Interesting. My garden now probably has at least 15 different kinds of flowers growing–I don’t know any of their names and there’s no kind of pattern to how I planted them. It is all random. Some are almost dead & suddenly these red things popped up to be about 3 feet tall–making it look all the more ridiculous. So this weird experiment with gardening has actually led me to an understanding of why people do this. I get so excited to see some plant “popping” with an awesome bloom. It also made me think maybe our gardens reflect who we are. So I’m happy to have the weirdest, most random/unique garden in the neighborhood.

8 ) This crazy red lip stain I ordered from Sephora. It’s a ridiculously pigmented red that makes me feel like Taylor Swift must feel every moment of her life. It stains my hands, my purse, anything it touches. But someone actually asked, “Are you wearing lipstick?” once when I was wearing it. I swear I wear lipstick all the time, but it must go away before I even leave the front door, & to have one person comment on it means it’s really doing its job. I’m so Gwen Stefani now!

9) The CD collection I continue to play in my car daily even though you got rid of your CDs years ago. And yes, I’ve had ipods and itouches and ishuffles and all that stuff. But I still have CDs from the 90s and early 2000s made by me and my little brother labeled “A Tom mix. Weird.” and “DANCE music” and “Vegas” and “Mostly Pat Green” & there is nothing better than putting one of those in in the privacy of my own car. Yes, there are more songs about Vegas than you ever knew, and I know every word.

10) The parking space I park in now everyday at work. We have a quickly growing staff, so our rooftop parking lot became overcrowded. We now can park across the street (in not the BEST neighborhood…meaning: the WORST neighborhood in the city) in the old “post office parking lot.” Don’t mind the dozens of feral cats crawling around–just park! There is one spot labeled with the stencils “MANAGER” from what looks like years ago. And I now park in that spot every single day, and it makes me laugh every single day. Kitties, out of my way, I’m in my manager’s spot! When you’ve held the same title at the same job for the number of years I have, it can make you bitter. Unless you make yourself laugh by parking in the Manager’s spot & instagram-ing all the kitty pics.

Nothing could’ve been more random than those 10 things!!! I’ll be back again, maybe to write something of more substance.